i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
