I am puke
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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