Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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