You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
