So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize