Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.

(1-916): View more from California

That's why you should quit smoking.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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(613): View more from Ontario

You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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(804): View more from Virginia

How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

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(909): View more from California

I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..

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(914): View more from New York

But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation

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(469): View more from Texas

I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.

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