Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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