Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
