I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize