there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
