he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
