Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
