I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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