if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
