You're so nebulous sometimes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
