you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
