Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
