ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
