ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
