How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
should my penis look like a turkey
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
