Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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