weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
