discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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