I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
