Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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