Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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