I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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