This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
