She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
