Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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