is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
