dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
