I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
