i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
