Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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