somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
