No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
