im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
