Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
