my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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