Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
time to smoke my breakfast
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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