Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
