I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
