i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
