Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
