I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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