what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
