I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
