just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
