Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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