New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
