i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
