He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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