Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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