Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
