"it" just moved
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
