first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
