I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I looked at my own cervix.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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