So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
