So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
