The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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