Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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