I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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