I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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