I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
