there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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