I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Help. Why am I so naked?
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