I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dignity is for republicans.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
