She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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