hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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