theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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