I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
