Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize