Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this will be a night to untag.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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