sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
