he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You are a genius and a whore.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
